


Everything but Never Nothing

by tonysbruce



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Science Boyfriends, Tony reflecting on stuff and whatnot, Yinsen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 16:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysbruce/pseuds/tonysbruce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So you're a man who has everything... and nothing." While reflecting on those words spoken to him so long ago, Tony can't help but see the parallel between Bruce, the man he loves, and Yinsen, the man who'd died to save his life when it had come so close to being lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything but Never Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been cooped up in my head for a really long time, so I finally decided to write it (and admittedly I needed a bit of a break from chapterfic stuff). It didn't go completely as planned, but I like the way it turned out, and I hope you guys enjoy it. :)

_So you're a man who has everything..._

He looked around the room, his eyes catching the glistening light that reflected off the chrome of the extensively advanced equipment, listening to each and every beep and blip from the computers. He drank in a breath of the pristine, filtered air that streamed through the vents and closed his eyes to the morning light that drifted through the expansive windows that he'd designed for the R&D floors of the tower - the _tower._ Then, he let his eyes drift open to stare at the holographic image of the tower that twirled above the desk to his left, his name plastered across the top like the finishing touch on a Christmas tree.

He had everything - but those were just things.

_... and nothing._

When he turned around, Tony finally noticed the emptiness. Sure, the room was full of things, packed wall to wall with projects and papers and equipment, but really, it was completely vacant except for him - he was the only living, breathing thing there, save the one other person who hadn't yet gone out that day.

Bruce was there, somewhere, presumably on another floor tinkering with some experiment of sorts in the lab. Bruce had been there almost every day for the past year or so, and for that year, Bruce had emerged as one of the only voices of reason that Tony willingly listened to. And as the time progressed, Bruce had also become that one person who Tony had fallen unexpectedly for, slowly, and then all at once.

But to his dismay, Tony couldn't help but make that fateful comparison.

It was at times like this when Tony found himself back in that cave, the small beads of sweat dripping down his brow as he sat beside Yinsen, listening to the words that for the first time in a long while had struck him speechless. It was at times like these when Tony let his mind wander out of his reach, digging up thoughts like, _What if this isn't meant to last?_ or, _Eventually one of us will realize that this was a mistake,_ and deplorably, sometimes even, _He's going to leave, like everything always threatens to._

"You've been awfully quiet today." Bruce's smooth, familiar voice drifted from the room's entrance, almost as if it were on cue. Tony swiveled in his chair to face the other man, leaning his elbow on the leather-clad armrest.

"Probably 'cause you weren't here," Tony quipped in response, disguising his face with that infamous smirk. He quirked an eyebrow before turning back to the desk, pulling up some mindless blueprints on the tablet. "What brings you down here, Big Guy?"

Sauntering forward, Bruce shrugged one shoulder. "It was a bit lonely upstairs, I suppose," he began, nonchalantly sliding an arm around Tony's shoulders. "So I figured I'd see what you're doing." Leaning his hip against the side of the chair, Bruce laid his eyes on the project Tony had laid out, his brows furrowing when he noticed the inattentive attitude of Tony's work.

"Just blueprints," Tony muttered, conscious of Bruce's concerned gaze. "I was thinking of extending one of the floors for R&D. Guess I hadn't really thought ahead about everything we'd need it for, what with the clean energy project and the things S.H.I.E.L.D has us working on, we'll need more space to accommodate -"

"Tony."

"- accommodate the machinery we're going to need, plus I might need some more things for a couple new ideas I've had for the suit -"

" _Tony._ " Bruce had put a firm hand on Tony's shoulder, twisting the chair in his direction so the billionaire was forced to face him. When Tony had turned his head towards the screens in the other direction, Bruce gently put a finger beneath Tony's chin and turned his face again. "Something's bothering you." Still, though, Tony kept his eyes averted.

Hesitantly, Tony pulled away from Bruce's hand. "The only thing that's bothering me is that I think I deleted a file I wasn't supposed to." Stifling a sigh, Bruce leaned against the desk, absentmindedly toying with his hands in front of him.

"You're such a liar," he responded, and when Tony shot a heated glance in his direction, he noticed the tiny smirk pulling at the corner of the doctor's mouth. Frustratedly, Tony stood from the chair and walked briskly to a different desk, running a hand through his mussed hair. This wasn't right, and he knew that - Bruce and Yinsen were _not_ the same person, but there was a part of him, however small that part may be, that shamefully believed that the two men had entered his life at the times when the whole thing seemed like a hurricane for nearly, if not exactly, the same reason.

And what struck him most was how unexpectedly Yinsen had come and gone; those brief three months seemed even shorter when he thought of how quickly the man had put things into perspective, and how swiftly and effortlessly his demise had come soon after. Then, glimpsing at Bruce, Tony realized that maybe - no, definitely - this whole idea was absurd, because Bruce couldn't meet an end like Yinsen did ( _"But you can't kill me, I know, I tried!")._ However, death was not the only escape route one could take, and if anyone, Tony had taught himself that all too well.

Eventually, Tony looked away from the computer to place his gaze on Bruce, who was still leaning quietly against the other desk. He took a moment to observe the doctor's carefully practiced, calm demeanor, and Tony took a second to discern that he wasn't the only one hiding here. "Did I ever tell you about Afghanistan?"

"Some," Bruce replied. "Mostly about the first suit and arc reactor. I didn't ask about anything else because I figured you'd share that on your own accord."

Tony nodded, looking down as he pressed his lips into a thin line. Right. He hadn't told anybody about Yinsen, not really; but definitely not Bruce, as if he were trying to spare something within the man that Tony wasn't even sure was there.

"Is there something you want to tell me about Afghanistan?" Bruce asked gently, his eyebrows rising in curiosity.

"When I was in that cave," Tony began, absently gripping the edge of the table with his hands. His eyes were glued to the desktop, but the scene playing out before him was one completely different. "I wasn't the only one there. Well, not the only prisoner, at least. I woke up with that car battery stuck in the middle of my chest, and honestly, I thought it was the Afghans trying to kill me, and I'd thought, ' _damn, this is both a really dumb and a really painful way to go,'_ but it wasn't. It wasn't them.

"It was another guy they'd captured, a professor. A genius, actually. And when I thought he was trying to kill me with that battery, he actually saved my life. He's the reason I didn't die that day." Tony paused, inhaling a deep breath of air through his nose. "His name was Yinsen."

"Yinsen?" Bruce repeated incredulously. "As in the physicist Ho Yinsen from Timbetpal?"

"Yeah." Tony smiled humorlessly. "That's the guy. I always looked up to his work when I was in college, you know. I just - I guess I'd never thought that I'd be the reason he died. Got himself killed trying to buy me some more time to build the armor." He snorted, keeping his eyes on Bruce for a moment too long. "One hell of a guy."

"You couldn't have saved him, Tony," Bruce murmured, sensing where the other man might have been going with his string of thoughts. "Don't burden yourself with thinking that you could."

"Oh, I know that. That's not what I was getting at." Shaking his head, Tony turned away from the desk and paced over to the window, not entirely sure what to do with himself. "A little while after I'd gotten there, we were talking about, well, home. He asked me if I had a family or anything like that. I said no. So he told me that I was a man who had everything and nothing." Pause. "He was right."

For a moment, they both stood, cloaked in silence. Tony stayed by the window, his stillness almost eerie, and Bruce momentarily found himself at a loss for words. " _Was,_ " he finally emphasized, languidly making his way towards where Tony stood. "He _was_ right. Not anymore. You have the team, and you have Pepper, and Rhodey. And you have me."

"That's the thing." At last, Tony turned around, and this time he didn't bother to mask his face with resignation. "You're a genius, Bruce, don't you see it? Don't you see how the both of you have had the same purpose for me? He showed me perspective, he saved my life, and so have you - literally and figuratively - and the only difference there is that he died for it. He died because of _me,_ trying to buy _me_ more time. He was right in saying what he did. Right now, I do have everything, but, see, that's screwing up the balance. I have to have nothing at some point. That's just how it works." He hesitated to calm his breathing rate for a moment or two, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers when he softly, shakily added, "You're just like him, Bruce. You're Yinsen, but I don't want you to be."

"Then don't let me be." Bruce stopped in front of Tony, resting his hands on the taller man's shoulders. "Yinsen may be gone, Tony, but you're not, and I'm not. Maybe he was right - back then, at least. But everything is here now, and trust me, you're certainly not _nothing._ " He took one of his hands and slid it upwards, tenderly cupping the back of Tony's neck.

Swallowing thickly, Tony leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Bruce's, pushing himself to relish the moment and let go of all of the other things, push away the nightmares and the pain and the memories, and focus on Bruce. Just Bruce, only Bruce. Then he felt a feather-light kiss ghost across his lips, and just for a moment, he felt cleansed, _balanced._

But that only lasted for an instant, and then everything seemed uneven again, like the floor beneath their feet had gone lopsided and haywire. "It's just always made sense," he murmured. "It made sense then and it makes sense now. I need to lose something to keep it balanced. It's like some demented experiment."

"If that's how you want to think of it, then fine." Bruce's voice was soft against Tony's skin, his breath swirling and tickling around his ear and neck. "But nobody's life is a science experiment." To further emphasize his point, he again moved forward to capture Tony's lips in his, gently kneading his fingers into the thick, dark locks of hair in his hand. This time, the kiss lasted, and spread a wave of warmth through Tony's middle - one that put everything into harmony and then set it off again. Almost, Tony thought, almost as if this kind of bliss had thrown him into a realm of nothingness, and he abruptly recognized that maybe there was a different significance to those words he'd heard in that cave so long ago.

It was a while until Bruce was the one to end the embrace, but he did so with an amused grin upon on his lips. "Besides," he remarked, giving Tony a knowing glance. "Things are supposed to be out of whack every once in a while. You and I ought to know."


End file.
